Hot Flashes, Fog, and the Fight to Find Myself Again

What no one tells you about the emotional toll (and the hidden wisdom) of menopause.

I thought I was losing it.

Brain fog. Mood swings. A rage I couldn’t explain. Crying in the car for no reason. Wanting to run away alone to Hawaii and also wanting someone to notice how much I was holding together. For a while, I thought I was broken.

Turns out, I was in menopause.

But no one prepared me for this part. Not the hot flashes or the night sweats — but the identity unraveling, the grief, the gnawing questions about what comes next. I wasn’t just losing estrogen. I was losing my sense of who I was. And in that space? Something powerful was trying to rise.

The Emotional Toll No One Talks About

Our culture paints menopause as a punchline. A joke about memory lapses and sweat stains. But the truth is far more complex. Menopause is a biological transition, yes — but it’s also a deeply emotional and psychological one.

Here’s what I’ve seen — in myself and in the women I work with:

- A quiet grief for the younger version of ourselves.  - A disconnection from our bodies, our desires, and sometimes our partners.  - A creeping anxiety that we’re running out of time.  - A fiery resentment for all the roles we’ve had to perform — caregiver, peacekeeper, perfectionist.

It can feel like coming undone.

But here’s what I’ve also learned: coming undone is the beginning of becoming.

The Midlife Awakening: Finding Myself in the Fog

Somewhere in the chaos, I started asking different questions. Not “What’s wrong with me?” but: 

“What if this is my wake-up call?” 

“What do I actually want now?” 

“Who am I if I’m not pleasing everyone else?”

It wasn’t a breakdown. It was a breaking open.

Yes, it was messy. But it was also honest. And it led me somewhere beautiful:  Back to me.

The woman who didn’t need to explain herself. 

The woman who finally stopped performing. 

The woman who could hold grief and joy in the same breath. 

The woman who could say: “I matter too.”

If You're Here Too…

If you’re in this space — disoriented, exhausted, and wondering who you’re becoming — you’re not alone.

This is not the end. It’s an invitation.

To rise. 

To reimagine. 

To reclaim the life that’s been waiting for you.

Final Thoughts

Menopause may have made me lose my mind — but it also helped me find my truth. Not the polished, people-pleasing version of me, but the raw, joyful, wise version I had buried under decades of expectations.

That woman? She’s finally home.